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A Nice Cup Of Tea

Now, when it comes to the perfect brew I'm a picky person... I've tried many combinations, many different brands and methods of preparation and so if this seems a trifle anal, then that's because.... well, cos it is really. But this is how I like my tea. Strong, one sugar, one milk. Simple as that. I don't understand how my grandparents, for instance, can share a tea bag... and make it last 2 cups each! That's just wrong, in my opinion.

Preparation:

You need certain things for tea... as illustrated, the key components are water, tea bag, sugar. Equipment is also necessary. The obligatory tea spoon and mug of course. And a kettle... but I forgot to put that in the picture.

Next you will need to mix your ingredients in the following order:

  1. Tea bag in mug
  2. Sugar in mug

Now wait for the kettle to boil before proceeding.

Once the kettle has boiled, pour in the water as soon after boiling has been completed to ensure the tea bag gets a proper scalding and that the sugar gets dissolved most efficiently. After years of study (or rather several thousand cups of tea) this has proven to be the best method.

Now, at this point your tea should look like this. If it doesn't you've done something catastrophically wrong, obviously. I've heard of people who can't even boil water without blowing their houses up, but I've yet to meet someone who can't get this far in making a cup of tea that is drinkable.

The next step is crucial. Dippage... you need to use at least 20 dips of the tea bag. At least! There can be no compromise here if the perfect tea is to be made successfully.

Once dipping is completed (perhaps with more than 20 dips) you must squeeze the water (and remaining flavour) from the tea bag before ditching it in the bin.

Now here is the most critical moment. Spoonage of milk. I have the perfect teaspoon for the task. It will enter even the narrowest and inflexible of milk vessels without touching the sides.

Now, whilst I suggest one teaspoon of milk, I personally take 3/4 of a teaspoon.

Once you've successfully spooned your milk, drop it into the tea and give a brisk stir. Several revolutions are required to ensure full dissolution of milk and proper mix of milk with tea.

Now, your tea should look like this. A healthy, deep brown colouration with one or two stir bubbles on the surface.

Allow to cool and consume.

Enjoy the perfect cuppa with the perfect dunker, the custard cream. Just be careful with the custard cream. It is a devilish creature that will ambush your mug if dunked for too long. One second of dunkage should suffice for cheap supermarket brand biscuits, two seconds if you've used a superior brand of custard cream.